Beware of your thoughts…
Here are two examples of how to become more aware of the thoughts you are thinking, reinforcing that it's our thoughts about a situation, not the situation itself, that often cause distress:
The "Observer" Technique: Imagine you're watching a movie in your mind, and your thoughts are the characters on the screen. For instance, if you're stuck in traffic (the situation), instead of just feeling frustrated, consciously observe the thoughts like "I'm going to be late," "This is so annoying," or "Why does this always happen to me?" By stepping back and simply noticing these thoughts without judgment, you create a space between you and them, realizing they are just mental constructs, not the absolute truth of the situation.
Thought-Feeling-Situation Journaling: When you encounter a challenging situation, jot down three columns: "Situation," "Thoughts About the Situation," and "Feelings." For example:
Situation: My colleague gave me critical feedback on a project.
Thoughts About the Situation: "They think I'm incompetent," "My work isn't good enough," "I'm never going to succeed here."
Feelings: Discouraged, anxious, angry. This exercise clearly demonstrates how the critical thoughts you held about the feedback, rather than the feedback itself, are what triggered the negative feelings. You might then challenge those thoughts or generate alternative, more constructive ones.
